Benedict's cracktastic adventure
by AlessNox
Summary: Benedict's horny, time-traveling, long overcoat, purple scarf wearing, super-sleuth, Nordic-legend, f**k fantasy adventure A reddit quote said "We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend f**k fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!


It was an incredibly obvious costume, Benedict Cumberbatch thought as he stood in his long, black, Belstaff coat and store-bought purple scarf. Going to the costume party as Sherlock Holmes when he played the character on TV, but the call had come only last night, and he couldn't miss the combination costume party and movie screening of "Friendship is Magic II - Love is everywhere". He had seen the previews and was dreading fighting the fans to get a chance to see the movie in peace. The private screening was just the ticket. Besides, he didn't want anyone to know his most private secret. If anyone saw the way that heartwarming stories about cartoon ponies talking about love and friendship made him smile, he knew that he would see it the next day on the cover of The Sun: _Benedict Cumberbatch is a closet Brony!_ He didn't think that he could take that.

This was an invitation only affair. The ticket had come by private messenger catching him in the hotel room just after dinner. He had the clothes with him for an advertising photoshoot. The purple scarf was his own little bit of genius. Everyone knew that he had a blue scarf in the show. The purple scarf would simply make him look like a cosplayer trying his best to look the part with what he had on hand, and if they didn't look too close, he thought that he might get away with it. Who would expect Benedict Cumberbatch to disguise himself as Sherlock? No one, so it was his chance to be invisible. To have people recognize him, and then discount him as a fake. He smiled into the mirror thinking of the irony of it all and then snuck out of the door and down the employee elevator to a waiting taxi.

The movie screening was first, and Ben had a truly enjoyable hour staring at the rainbow filled screen along with other VIPs and their daughters. Then he followed the crowd into the lobby where glasses of punch and champagne awaited them under the brightly - lit chandeliers.

Ben hid in a corner sipping his drink which was very good. He took another as he watched the fifteenth person stare hard at him before turning away. The trick with the scarf had worked. Then he turned to look at the man standing next to him. He was wearing a completely ridiculous getup in green with horns on his head. He looked just like Tom Hiddleston dressed as Loki if it wasn't for the large yellow smiley face button on his chest. The man turned to look back at him.

"Hello!" Benedict said.

"Hi," the man said back nodding slightly. Benedict instinctively leaned back to avoid the huge horns.

"Nice costume," he said.

"You too," the man returned. "Did you enjoy the movie?"

"Immensely, and you?"

"Yes," he said smiling, "but don't tell my agent... I mean, if I had an agent."

The two of them began to laugh uncontrollably as they realized that they had both had the same idea. They stopped as they noticed a crowd of women turning to face them, their heads coming together as they asked each other if what they were seeing was real. One pulled out a phone, and was about to take a photograph when Tom pulled on Ben's shoulder and said, "Want to get your face painted?"

"Yes," Benedict said turning his head just in time to make the photo blurry and inconclusive. They rushed over to a table where children were getting their faces painted with hearts and rainbows and other pony marks. The man in the chair before him was joking with a little red headed girl who was sitting beside him.

"No", the man said, "Daleks come from the planet Skaro, not from the moon, and they are no relation to the nightmare pony. Hello!" he said as he noticed them behind him. "Do you need this chair? I'm just finished. Debating whether or not to do the other cheek. The rainbow is quite nice don't you think so? You should try it, although there are so many choices."

Benedict could just see the women searching the crowd for the two of them, so he sank down into the chair that the man in the bow tie had just vacated.

The woman behind the counter smiled at the three of them warmly. "Oh what great costumes! It's so good of the fathers to get into the spirit of the thing. Before I can paint your face though, you'll have to clean off your cheeks. Here are some makeup cloths."

Benedict looked over his shoulder and could see the women coming in his direction. He reached out for a cloth and covered his face. Tom followed his lead covering his and the women walked right past them. The man with the bow tie smiled then and leaned over the chair to look at their faces.

"Alright, if you two are willing to have a go I suppose that I can get the other cheek done." He took a cloth and began wiping his cheek along with the other two men.

"You need to rub across your cheek," the woman said pointing to her much less pronounced one. "Right along the zygomatic arch, here."

The three men peered into the mirrors and polished their cheeks.

"Uh oh!" Tom said then.

Benedict looked up to see a group of women pointing at them from across the room. " We need a place to hide now."

"Running from someone?" The bow tie clad man said, "I can help with that. Follow me."

They ran after the man, the shouts of female fans behind them as they turned a corner. The man led them into a blue wooden box and closed the door listening as the women ran past. The box was incredibly cramped with the three of them inside.

The man with the bow tie smiled at them. "I'm sorry that I dragged you two into this mess," he said. "My fans can be a bit insane sometimes. I should have known that combing my hair wouldn't be enough to disguise me."

"Your fans!" Benedict said affronted. "They were my fans!"

"What do you mean?" Tom said. "They were obviously after me _'I am LOKI!_' " he said. His voice echoing loudly in the tiny wooden box. Outside they heard a voice in the distance.

"I think that I heard him!" someone said. The three of them stood as still as possible. Matt held the door shut tightly but Tom had a big grin on his face.

"Listen," Matt said quietly after they had passed. "We are obviously not getting through this crowd dressed like this."

"What do you suggest?" Tom asked.

"We need to take off our clothes," Matt replied.

The two of them stared at him wondering for a moment if the rainbow represented something else about the actor that they didn't know yet. Then Benedict gave a sigh. "I don't see how the three of us running naked through a crowd is going to draw _less_ attention than going out in costume."

"You don't understand, " Matt said. "I'll wear your coat. You can wear his horns, and he can wear my bow tie. No one will recognize us."

"Clever!" Tom said taking off his hat which barely fit inside the small box. With several grunts and moans, the three of them managed to change into each other's clothes before entering a hallway empty of everyone except one surprised elderly woman pulling an oxygen tank behind her. The men looked around nervously before sneaking out of the back of the theatre.

The next morning Benedict woke to the sound of his phone ringing loudly. He answered it groggily. "Did you see this morning's paper?" his agent asked. Benedict rushed to the door and opened it. He picked up the paper that had been left outside and saw his own face under a large horned hat. As he read the copy, his mouth opened in shock. It said:

**TUMBLE IN THE TARDIS - Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hiddleston, and Matt Smith caught just after a wild bout of sex at Pony party.**

_"I was attracted by the sound of moaning," says Agnes Wallerman, longtime Cumbercrone aged 72 . "Who would have known that reality would be better than any fantasy I've ever written." _

Ben closed the door and leaned against it before sinking down to the floor. His phone began to ring. It kept ringing all day long.


End file.
